Friday, May 12, 2006

The Decline of Western Theaters

Here's a topic I've been ridiculously interested in for the past few months: the consistent fall in theater attendance. Studios and theater chains are freaking out. Not as many people are going to see movies as much. Why? Well according to the "experts" out in Hollywood, here's the top reasons, in particular order.

1. Cell phones ringing during films
2. Lack of advertising
3. People would rather watch DVD's and iPods
4. Price of tickets
5. Bad movies

Which of course is further evidence that Hollywood is crazy. Cell phones? That's numero uno? Sure, it's annoying, but that doesn't happen enough to make it number one. I can count how many times it's happend to me on one hand. But the biggest joke of them all: lack of advertising. Would you describe movie advertising as "lacking?" I tell you, I just can't get enough of these commercials for that groundbreaking gymnastics movie Stick It and it's hilarious trailer line "It's not called gym-nice-tics." My favorite is when movie advertisements take over whatever web page your on. You thought you were looking up Yahoo and then suddenly Freddy Krueger slashes through the page, "Check out my trailer or I'll cut you in your dreams!" Thanks Freddy, I wasn't in the mood to read FoxTrot today anyways. But if you don't want to see the ad, don't worry, there's that microscopic Close link hidden somewhere on the ad, which of course is much harder to find than Waldo or Bin Laden.

I could be wrong, but the iPod? You're really blaming it on the iPod? Would you rather watch Spider-Man 2 on a theater screen or your iPod. Who's taking that two and half inch screen over theaters? Sure DVD's might take a bit away, but that's only because 1) you don't leave movies in theaters long enough so we probably missed it (see previous post) or 2) you can buy a DVD for the same price as 2 tickets to the theater (and then sell it to Blockbuster if it sucks to make a few bucks back.) Which brings us to the conclusion and CP's Top 5 list of reasons for the demise of theater attendance:

1. Bad movies
2. Bad movies
3. Bad movies
4. Bad movies
5. Price of tickets

Movies are awful ninety percent of the time. Make better movies, we'll pay to see them. Keep making bad movies, then you better lower those ticket prices so we don't feel like we're taking such a gamble. Example: Stealth. Otherwise known as Jamie Foxx's quick paycheck. A robotic fighter jet that turns on it's creators. The only thing I will pay $9.00 to go see that's THAT bad in this town is the Pirates, and that's because the OTHER team might do something exciting. What can a good movie accomplish? Look at the original Star Wars. Most people went and saw that +5 times in the theater. I racked up 15 myself. That's $135 bones for ONE MOVIE. What about the new Star Wars movies? Once. Saw them once, and even that was too much. That's $9 Mr. Lucas. Better movies are more profitable.

But sure Hollywood, keep on pumping out stuff like The Day After Tomorrow, Pink Panther, Final Destination 3, Big Momma's House, and RV. And we'll keep NetFlixing things like Casablanca, Lawrence of Arabia, Chinatown, and Rear Window.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Unless I'm going to a movie guaranteed to attract a mature audience, I'll wait for the DVD. Too many rude and uncouth under 25ers out there. I'm tired of having the back of my chair tapped or feet at the back of my head.

kelleyjoy said...

Hollywood has been waiting for a new class of innovative directors since the rise of such guys as Tarantino and Rodriguez. You could be that new class?????

Al said...

Hollywood should have put up in the top 5 "Riots at the Waterfront". I mean, look at how much money Get Rich or Die Tryin' lost because some gang member decided he'd rather shot and kill someone AT the movie theater than actaully see the movie. I guess everyone has their breaking points.